So, I just began the study Jonah by Priscilla Shirer last week. The first day was about life plans that have been interrupted and viewing them in light of God's sovereignty. It says, "Interruptions only become positive when we consider the person or circumstance interrupting to be more significant than that which currently occupies our attention." I thought that was a good reminder of how perspective makes all the difference. If we get a glimpse of who God is, we can only be humbled and reliant on His ability. If we have the right perspective of God, interruptions are positive when coming from the Sovereign Lord himself because He is directing your life. I agree that I could use some humbling (always) and need to accept God's will for my life no matter what. Well, although I got some good points from the study, I was having a hard time connecting to the topic and hoped that I could find some relevance for it in my life. I felt on track with my life, had no major interruptions to think of, and was feeling pretty set. Little did I know God had plans for me I never expected! By the second day of the study, God had re-routed my life and began the single largest intervention in my life to date.
Last month Aaron and I felt called away from our church job. We both felt we could no longer give the kids the time and energy they needed. With Aaron’s new job and my internship, we were exhausted and had no more to give. The youth need so much love and attention, and we were unable to give it to them. We felt our time there had come to and end and we needed to step away and allow someone else to take them further than we could. We felt sure of God’s hand in this decision and were excited to have less responsibility and channel our energy into our careers.
Although that decision was hard, I was excited about the possibilities it opened up and looked forward to being able to focus on my schoolwork. Well, you can imagine how shocked I was when I was challenged by my UT professors to really think about what I want in my life. I had not been meeting their expectations for the internship, and they had met with me to let me know and push me to do better. I was truly shocked to hear this from them because I thought I had been doing fine. I knew I could do a little better, but for the most part, I had been trying and thought I was fine. Well, over the next few weeks, I worked harder and tried harder, but to no avail. They continued to not be pleased with my work and pushed me to do better. I felt I had done most of what I could do and did not know what to do to be better. I became more and more stressed and uncomfortable in the classroom because of the pressure. Because of this, I began to really think about what I wanted and about my experience in the internship. Of course I was upset to be getting so much criticism, but I wanted to set aside my personal feelings and critically assess the situation.
After a few days of being torn, I felt God pulling me away from this as well, and again, I was shocked!
The situation had really become toxic for me, and I felt my time there was over. I love children and hope to find a way to work with them without as much stress. I do not think the pressure and stress of being in charge of a classroom is for me. As you may know, I feel more comfortable with small groups and hope to be able to work with a smaller amount of people to be able to really get to know them. I am a connector, and I want to get to know individuals. I need less stress and pressure in my life, and I want to really enjoy what I am doing. I feel like I am always planning for the future and am excited to have the pressure gone and just focus on the day to day.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6
All that said, God has cleared out my life and although I do not know what He has for me from here, I trust Him. It feels good to give Him control of my life and not carry the burden any more. He is much more apt to handle it anyways!
“For we are God's workmanship, recreated in Christ Jesus, that we may do those good works which God predestined for us, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
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